"I can't see another way." And now that he's said part of it, he has to try and explain the rest. The thought of saying it all is killing him, but he's been putting it off since just after she told him the news; everything he's been ruminating on has been waiting to bubble up, and now he's opened the floodgates. The intensity of it - his gesticulating, the quick pace of the words - is nothing new, but the urgency takes on a new cast when it's focused on the subject at hand. "We can't take a preschooler in the field with us, and we can't get anything done if we're spending every day in the basement. Maybe we hire out a nanny and let some stranger raise our kid? But I don't want to do that, and I don't think you do, either.
"You and I know the truth of what's out there. We've fought powerful men in the shadows of legitimate governments for decades now, and I have to believe we made a difference. The invasion never happened. But we didn't stop the men who wanted it." He takes a breath then, a needed one, and his hand finds hers, squeezing lightly. His words keep coming out, but with more effort now. "I don't think we can ever stop them, Scully. They're like roaches: One dies, more show up to take their place. We know the truth. We've seen credible evidence of extraterrestrial life, and we know what happened to my sister. I want more than that, I want the world to know just what's out there, but -
"But when it gets down to the real math, the stuff that matters - I've got three or four decades with the apple, best case scenario. And that's assuming I can make it to ninety. For all we know, I keel over when I'm seventy-five, and that's that." Sure, he's in good shape, probably better than Cancer Man was in his fifties, better than his actual father - but even if he's not shot to death like both of them, that doesn't mean he's guaranteed anything. "But no matter how long I have - I don't want it to think back after I'm gone and wonder why I wasn't around."
They lost Emily - and even if she was only Scully's, Mulder would have raised her as his own without hesitation. They had to let William go, and as things stand, Mulder struggles to believe that they'll ever see him again. This is their last chance, the one time they can do this right. If there's ever been a reason to let the X-files go permanently, to let them become a hobby at best, surely this is it.
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"You and I know the truth of what's out there. We've fought powerful men in the shadows of legitimate governments for decades now, and I have to believe we made a difference. The invasion never happened. But we didn't stop the men who wanted it." He takes a breath then, a needed one, and his hand finds hers, squeezing lightly. His words keep coming out, but with more effort now. "I don't think we can ever stop them, Scully. They're like roaches: One dies, more show up to take their place. We know the truth. We've seen credible evidence of extraterrestrial life, and we know what happened to my sister. I want more than that, I want the world to know just what's out there, but -
"But when it gets down to the real math, the stuff that matters - I've got three or four decades with the apple, best case scenario. And that's assuming I can make it to ninety. For all we know, I keel over when I'm seventy-five, and that's that." Sure, he's in good shape, probably better than Cancer Man was in his fifties, better than his actual father - but even if he's not shot to death like both of them, that doesn't mean he's guaranteed anything. "But no matter how long I have - I don't want it to think back after I'm gone and wonder why I wasn't around."
They lost Emily - and even if she was only Scully's, Mulder would have raised her as his own without hesitation. They had to let William go, and as things stand, Mulder struggles to believe that they'll ever see him again. This is their last chance, the one time they can do this right. If there's ever been a reason to let the X-files go permanently, to let them become a hobby at best, surely this is it.